WAY TOO LONG

It has been WAY TOO LONG since my last post here. I've finally started to figure out a few things in my life. I know a couple of months ago, I was very set on Marine Biology, and Photography...but I think God has a different plan for me. It's something I have been guided to by my wonderful college counselor! I don't think I want to share with you all quite yet what it is...only because I am only just discovering it for myself. One thing to say would be...that I have never been able to actually see myself doing what is described in a degree description until this. So it's kinda funny how things work. I am currently taking the first introductory class to the major, and I am extremely interested in it. I have also been doing much better in this class within the first week, than I was doing in three years of Biology related classes. So that is exciting for me! I'm super pumped for what the next two years will bring...

As it is late, and I have a test in my other class tomorrow, I'm going to say goodnight. But I will return sooner than later...I promise!

Erin

Dare I Say It?!

This may have possibly been the best birthday I've ever had. And not just because we went to see Switchfoot the night after my birthday...it has just been an overall good week! I am finally starting to feel like the person I once was. I feel like I am finally back on the path I used to be on. And that is awesome in my mind. I'm sure that I will continue to have those days where it is an emotional struggle to resist the anger and yelling and depression, but I feel like I've learned to think before reacting in most situations. That is something I am really proud of even though it may seem small.

Now one of the highlights from this week was the Switchfoot concert! The venue we were at was much smaller than I expected! It was by far the most intimate concert I've ever been to. And it was just awesome! We were like three feet away from the stage! I'm posting some photos with this.

Besides the concert, this weekend is going to be filled with meals upon meals upon meals with both family and friends. It will be a lot of fun! I'm very blessed to have all of these people in my life!

Until next time...

These Times

Well, tonight's post is going to be themed. I turned my iPod on while on my way home from work tonight, and this song came on. I've heard it countless times, and know the words by heart. But I actually paid attention to the meaning behind the words this time, and I can't help but realize how much it relates to my life right now. Here is a link to the video and the lyrics:

"These Times"
By Safetysuit

These times will try hard to define me
And I’ll try to hold my head up high
But I’ve seen despair here from the inside
And it’s got a one track mind

And I have this feeling in my gut now
And I don’t know what it is I’ll find
Does anybody ever feel like
You’re always one step behind

Now I’m sitting alone here in my bed
I’m waiting for an answer I don’t know that I’ll get
I cannot stand to look in the mirror, I’m failing
I’m telling you these times are hard
But they will

And I know there’s someone out there somewhere
Who has it much worse than I do
But I have a dream inside, a perfect life
I’d give anything just to work
It’s like I’m only trying to dig my way out
Of all these things I can’t

And I am sitting alone here in my bed
I’m waiting for an answer I don’t know that I’ll get
I cannot stand to look in the mirror, I’m failing
I’m telling you these times are hard
But they will pass
They will pass
They will pass
These times are hard
But they will

These times will try hard to define me
But I will hold my head up high

Sitting alone here in my bed
I’m waiting for an answer I don’t know that I’ll get
I cannot stand to look in the mirror, I’m failing
I’m telling you these times are hard
But they will pass

And I know there’s a reason
I just keep hoping it won’t be long ’til I see it
And maybe if we throw up our hands and believe it
I’m telling you these times are hard
But they will pass
They will pass
They will pass
These times are hard
But they will pass

The whole song really helps me put to words how I've been feeling lately, especially when they talk about despair having a one track mind, and having a feeling without knowing what you'll find when you look within. I've really felt like that because of my self-reflections...I really don't know what I'll find, and it kind of scares me. But the last verse/refrain is where it really motivated me...it's time to just give in to the flow of life and see what develops.

Here's to not dwelling on the what if's and just making the decision and following through with it!

Negative People

Short post today...I just have had enough with all the negativity in my life. I've decided that I have too many negative people influencing my life. Mainly a couple of people who just always bring me down or just aren't around the way I need them to be. The thing about them is that I always need to be there or be supportive when they need it (or when they guilt me into it), but when it comes to me needing someone to talk to they either tell me I'm overreacting or that I'm wrong. I just need some better friends I think.

All for now, maybe I'll post more later.

Erin

Just some thoughts

So this really just hit me square in the face tonight and I needed to share it. I've decided that I don't know how to let people in anymore. I've completely shut down emotionally, and it scares me. I don't really know when it happened, or if I've always been this way, but it's something I need to work on if I don't want to end up alone forever. I think part of it goes back to when my mom died, my whole brain seemed to shut down and I haven't quite figured out how to turn parts of it back on. I just don't give anyone a chance to get to know me anymore. I can't even put into words what I feel like right now, I just know it isn't a good feeling. This all just came on because I was thinking about my friend's wedding this summer, and how there are very few from our group who are still single. I feel like I have a long way to go before I can even think of letting someone in. This is in no way a pity-party. I just have been doing a lot of soul searching this year trying to figure out who I am, and what I need to improve on. My attitude was the first thing I noticed. I used to be such a smiley, outgoing, overall happy person. I've noticed that, especially in the past couple of years, my attitude has become very sour and bitter towards people and life in general. Once I was conscious of that, I made the decision to change it. One of my coworkers actually came up to me last week and told me that she is very proud of the way I've turned it around, and that "this is the Erin I remember from when you were in high school!" To hear that my efforts are being noticed makes me happy. But this is only a small part of what I need to reshape about myself. Some of the other things I've noticed include improving my health, learning to let others in, learning how to stand up for myself and to express myself better, and cleaning out my house (I never had a chance to go through things when we moved). These are just a few of the things I can think of right now, but I'm sure the list will continue to grow!

Thats all for now...

Memories and Passions

Hello!
So I know I didn't post on Tuesday at all, but I'm going to say something now. Tuesday was the sixth anniversary of my mom's passing. It was definitely a hard day, as I'm sure it always will be. I took a "special holiday" (basically an extra vacation day) from work, and I was very much in the mood to clean. I started going through some of my things and came across a letter my mom had written to me when I was in eighth grade. I took a trip with my brother's and my aunt and uncle and two cousins to New York City shortly after 9/11 and she wrote me a goodnight note. I reread it when I found it, and it all rushed back. I didn't get as emotional as I have in the past, it was more of just remembering her.

One thing I've been striving for this year is gaining my independence and figuring out who I am. I have always tried to do what everyone else wanted me to do, or told me I could do. I never really sat back and figured out what I wanted to do. Well I did that a little bit this week. I'm not sure if it was just me finally realizing it, or if God was sending me a wake up call, but I recently started getting a lot of offers to do photography for people. And I know that I mentioned in earlier posts about pursuing photography as a career. Well, I've applied to three different photography studios and I'm really hoping one of them calls. I am so ready to move forward, and a new job in an area that interests me so much would be the best first step I could take! One of them even has a tuition reimbursement program, so I could get the MATC photography program paid for me! Well yesterday I was watching a documentary and I've decided that I'd really love to go into photojournalism. I want to travel and take pictures that matter, or can change the way someone thinks about something. What better than a photojournalism career?! So, I think I'm finally finding my passion again. It's been so long since I've had it, I'm terrified of it! But its always the things that scare us the most that are the most worth while, right?

I'll keep you updated on this newest development!
Until the next time!

Opportunities Falling in the Lap

So I know I already posted something today, and the fact that I'm doing a double post is quite impressive to myself. I just needed to make a small post on this. Today I went to visit my grandpa in the hospital, he had a heart episode, but thankfully they figured it out and are putting a defibrillator/pacemaker in tomorrow. Well, while I was there I ran into two of my aunts and their families. I had already talked with one of my cousins about doing her senior pictures for next year, and so my aunt just came out and asked me if I would be interested in doing a friend of her's wedding photos! I am absolutely terrified to say yes, I haven't even started doing any kind of events...although I will be doing my first fundraiser event in less than two weeks. So I asked a friend of the family if he had any advice for me, and he said you just need to jump in and do it! He told me that he remembers being terrified the first time he did a wedding, and that as he kept doing more, he kept getting better. So that helped me a little. He also offered to get together with me to look through some of the things he has done to give me some ideas. I'm really starting to consider this as a career path. I know I wouldn't want to do events forever, but I would love to do something in the field whether it was portrait, or landscape photography. I'm going to seriously look into the Art Studio program at UWM now.

Alright, that is all the excitement for today...I'll definitely be back to post soon!